I've randomly decided to write this with absolutely no plan of what I'm going to say. But when you feel in deep despair, sometimes talking about it can relieve at least some of the pain.
I was first told I had depression when I was 16 years old, although when you're told you have depression it doesn't come as much of a surprise.
I knew there was something seriously wrong with how I was feeling and I was desperate to do something about it. I remember I woke up on a Monday morning thinking my usual thought of 'how can I skip school today?'. It was only when I got out of bed and saw my reflection in the mirror that I noticed my whole entire face had swollen up overnight - and I'm talking big enough to use as an excuse to skip school that day. But as a teenager whose self esteem was non existent this made me feel worse than I had ever felt before. To cut a long story short, I got so depressed that day that the only option for me was to go and see a professional.
Before then I had gone to extreme measures to stop feeling how I did and somehow battle the horrifying thoughts I was having. But none of those seemed to work, if anything a lot of them made me even worse and what I realise about depression is that no matter how much you think you can - you can't do it alone. If it wasn't for my parents being there at crucial moments, I worry about how different the outcome could've been on that Monday morning, and various other times.
Nowadays my depression is somewhat like the weather.
Sometimes it looks cloudy but there's hope of some sun.
Sometimes the sky is so clear.
Sometimes thunder storms.
I still don't understand what causes some of my toughest days and sometimes I wonder if that's just who I am. But what I do know is that I'm not strong enough to deal with it on my own.
If you know somebody who has depression or you think may be showing signs of suffering mentally. I urge you, don't forget about them. Look after them. Be kind to them. Don't assume that they are better now because they've had a good week.
Remember depression is an illness just like any physical one.
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